quality time
by Leader of Talking Palm Trees
Summary: Envy and Wrath are left alone for 8 hours...let the madness begin! -Now Complete-
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: The madness begins 

"Once upon a homicidal time, there were 8 Homunculus living in a small apartment in Resembool", said the narrator.

"One's name was Envy", he continued.

Inside the apartment an alarm clock began blaring its evil annoying sound into the ear of our favorite green haired shape shifter.

Suddenly his hand lifted from the bed sheets high into the air and smashed the automated daylights out of the poor beeping machine from hell.

"Finally some peace and quiet", he said groggily as he flopped onto his side nestling into his comfortable bed.

The infernal screaming of the little "demon" brat known as Wrath broke the silence.

"**WAKE UP BAKA,** **LUST WANTS TO SEE YOU"**, Wrath yelled now pounding on the bed with his fists, causing the bed to collapse, which flanged Envy and his bed into the wall across from him.

Envy got up angrily from his bed which was now a pile of rubble and began to rant to Wrath, "you idgit, you remember not to annoy me during my 22 hour beauty sleep", he spat!

"You might want to make it 23", Wrath joked.

"**All right that's it"** Envy yelled as he walked toward the juvenile with the look of evilness on his face.

He suddenly grabbed the monster's head and threw him out the 3 story window, "I'm telling mommy", he screamed as he hit he ground with a **SPLAT**!

Envy yawned as he walked away from the window to the living room, Lust, Pride, Gluttony and Sloth were all mumbling under their breath about something not of interest to Envy.

"What's with all the hubbub" he questioned them, when he caught sight of Greed, he was in a white straitjacket and desperately trying to escape from the groups grasp.

"O.k., what are y-, never mind I don't even want to know", as he when into the kitchen to eat.

Suddenly the front door opened, standing in the doorway was the battered and bruised Wrath and he gritted his teeth and lunged at Envy yelling, "**You die now**", Envy screamed as the kid tackled him.

"Hey guys, you can tear each-other apart later" Lust yelled at the two, they both stopped but were still grabbing each-others throats, "as I was saying, were taking Greed to the barbers shop", "Oho…so that explains the strait jacket", Envy said still clutching Wrath's neck.

"**NOOO…NOT THE SHARP SCISSORS, NOOO…"** Greed screamed as his eyes twitched profusely.

"Well lets get going" Envy said releasing his grasp from Wrath, "No, no, no…NO, you remember the last time you and Wrath came with us", Lust said stopping them both, "Hey how were we to know that that hair dryer's could kill people", Envy argued!

"Now Envy you will be tacking care of Wrath sense your older"' She continued.

"What", they both said!

"Will be back in 8 hours, you know how long it takes to finish his hair-cut, BYE, BYE," she said slamming the door in there faces.

"Hey Baka, I want to play", Wrath wined!

"Oh, Shit", Envy whimpered!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: playtime and the exploding toilet 

"Great, just, Great, I'm stuck in an apartment with a maniac midget, how will I survive", Envy said while stuck in a fetal position.

"Envy why are you talking to yourself", Wrath asked the disturbed homunculus.

Envy sighed and got up, "o.k. I can do this, its just for 8 hours, what do you want to do Wrath", Envy asked?

"Lets play paint-ball tag", he said

"What the hell is paint-ball t-", But before Envy could finish Wrath pulled out a large paint-ball gun and started pelting him with balls of paint.

"You it", Wrath laughed, Envy got up and had blue paint on his shirt.

"You got paint on my tank top, **Your gonna pay**", Envy yelled and started chasing the little homunculus.

Envy finally caught him and was dragging him across the floor by the neck of Wrath's shirt, "Now Wrath were going to play one of my favorite games", Envy said calmly.

"So far its not that fun", Wrath wined.

"Don't worry it will be, for me" Envy replied now dragging him down the hall until he stopped at the door with a sign the read "Greed's room".

Envy opened the door and looked around the gothic-like room still dragging Wrath, until he saw a large black chest; he walked over to it, opened it, and started searching for something.

"O.k. lets me see, poison, Bear trap, rope noose", Envy said, Wrath gulped.

"Ah, here it is, dynamite", Envy cackled, "**EEPP**", Wrath gasped, Envy dragged the helpless homunculus out of Greed's room to the bathroom.

"Here we are Wrath, now the game is called, **exploding the toilet with Wrath in it**", Envy said, he took the dynamite, lit it and dropped it into the toilet and flushed it.

Then the tied wrath to the white round bowl and ran out of the bathroom locking the frightened homunculus inside.

"It smell's in here", Wrath wined.

"3…2…1…" Envy counted and plugged his ears, there was a thunderous **BOOM **as the blast wrenched the bathroom door off its hinges and it flew into the wall, smoking and burning.

Wrath stumbled out of the obliterated bathroom, wet and coughing up smoke, "Envy I think playtime's over", he wheezed.

"My thoughts exactly Wrath, that was fun", Envy grinned smugly.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three: Lunchtime 

"O.k., its 2:00, it will be 6 more hours until everyone gets back", Envy explained to Wrath.

"Envy I'm starving I want to eat some lunch", Wrath wined.

"Wrath don't be stupid, Homunculi don't eat, we're immortal", Envy explained to the starving homunculus.

"So, I don't care, I want to eat", Wrath said now stomping on the floor which shook the poorly built apartment!

"Alright already, just don't implode the building", Envy yelled!

They both walked to the kitchen, Wrath sat at the table and Envy looked in the refrigerator from some nourishment for the little brat.

"So what's in the fridge", Wrath asked him

"Meat", Envy said dully

"Meat", Wrath questioned him?

"Yes, meat", Envy repeated

"What kind of meat is it", Wrath asked?

"How should I know, I saw it, I shot it, and I put it on a plate", Envy explained to the confused child.

"Works for me", Wrath said happily as Envy put the strange meat on the kitchen table.

Wrath started to devour the mystery meat with great gusto, "Wrath please chew with your mouth closed, don't be like Gluttony", Envy asked the hungry homunculus.

ONE HOUR LATER 

Wrath was lying on the ground, sleeping with his now immense belly sticking out that would even make Gluttony envious.

Envy sighed and prodded the sleeping brat with a stick, "Wrath, oh Wrath, **WAKE UP ALREDY **", he finally yelled to him!

"Huh, who, what, where, when, why", Wrath babbled still half asleep.

"You've been sleeping for an hour time to get up", Envy said to him.

"Oh… I think I ate too much", Wrath said in a woozy tone.

Suddenly there was a crack and groan from the apartments floor, "Envy what's happening", Wrath asked now fully awake.

All of a sudden there was a snap and the floor caved in around Wrath and he fell, "**GAHHHHHHH**", he screamed, there was a **thud **and Envy ran to the hole

"Don't worry, my immense stomach and this guy broke my fall, uh…the guys not breathing", Wrath yelled from inside the hole.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: the wining 

"Whew, Its 3:00 only a couple more hours to go", Envy said with relief.

Wrath was in the living room on Envy's treadmill panting and sweating from jogging off his immense belly from the last chapter.

"Envy, I'm so tired can I stop yet", Wrath wined still running his little ass off.

"No, not until you loss the bulbous belly, and don't break the machine, if you do I wont be able to tone my muscular body", Envy said with concern

"Ya-right", Wrath panted!

"Shut-up, you", Envy yelled.

_**30 min later**_

Wrath came out of the living room thin as he was before, Envy watched the juvenile as he sat on the floor, to Envy's surprise Wrath started bailing and slamming his fists on the ground screaming bloody murder!

'What the #$, why he start crying', Envy loudly thought in his head trying to block out the infernal screaming with two of the couch pillows.

"**I WANT MOMMY**", Wrath screamed at the to of his lungs!

'Well that explains the screaming', Envy thought louder!

The two couch pillows suddenly exploded from the sound.

'**GAHHHH**, theirs only one way to keep this brat's screaming from making my eardrums explode', Envy thought

He shape-shifted into Sloth and yelled, "Wrath I'm back"!

Wrath stopped screaming got up, he suddenly glommped Sloth/Envy and yelled, "Mommy your home"!

He started squeezing her/him tighter, "**GASP**, Wrath stop the hugging me, mommy can't breathe", Sloth/Envy said but Wrath squeezed until there was a loud **Snap**!

Sloth/Envy slumped backward twitching, "Congratulations Wrath you just broke my spine", as she/he gasped.

Wrath let go as Sloth/Envy fell on the floor, "I knew it was you Envy, that was entertaining", Wrath said happily to the now disfigured Envy

"You little brat, wait till I get my hands on you, I'll throttle you", Envy angrily yelled to him struggling to get up.

"I'm going out to find mom", Wrath said to Envy as he walked out of the apartment.

"Your in big trouble mister, could someone please help me", Envy said writhing on the ground?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Wrath and Envy's trip downtown 

Wrath ran outside in the dead of night, "Hmm, where can I get a mode of transportation, an airplane, no, a taxi, nah, a submarine, nada, I know", Wrath said as he looked down the street.

Meanwhile Envy struggled to get up on some crutches he found, "**ARRG**, when I catch him I'm going to kill him for the third time today", Envy snarled as he limped out the door.

He actually got to the street and was searching for the misbehaving brat, "now, where is he", Envy said as he walked to the middle of the street.

Suddenly bright headlights appeared on the horizon, a blue jalopy came speeding toward our green haired friend, in the driver's seat was Wrath, laughing happily.

"Oh my god", Envy gasped as he dodged the metal deathtrap.

"Bye Envy", Wrath laughed as he sped into town, "Wrath, why you little,** I'm going to mutilate you**"

Envy turned around to see a little kid riding a red tricycle on the sidewalk, Envy quickly ran over to the kid.

"Hey, uh…delinquent I need to borrow your stupid maroon colored trice before my homicidal roommate destroys the entire town", Envy yelled at the freaked out kid.

"Sure, Oh magical talking palm-tree", the said happily to him.

"Your lucky kid I'm already on parole or else I would kill you, also thank you", Envy said with a forced grin.

Envy hopped on the little toy and started to petal toward the doomed town very slowly.

"Dammit, can't this infernal contraption go any faster", Envy panted as he started pedaling faster.

Meanwhile in downtown Resembool 

Lust and the rest of the gang were driving back to the apartment in their black mini van, Lust was a little annoyed, no…scratch that, VERY annoyed with everyone.

Greed was sitting in the very back still twitching from the first chapter but now he looked as if he got in a fight with a lawnmower, the lawnmower definitely won because now his hair was a complete mess and the scissors were stuck in his locks.

Sloth was sleeping in the middle, it looked like she was having a nightmare because she was tossing and turning yelling, "**No Dante don't make me eat the yucky broccoli**".

Gluttony was sitting in the front passenger's seat bugging Lust because they just came out of a Burger King's drive through, "can I eat it now", he said?

"No" she replied.

"How bout now", he repeated.

"**NO**", she yelled!

"Now", "No", "now", "**NOOOOO**", "**NOOOWW**"?

"Dammit wait until we get home", she said extending her killer manicure with anger.

Suddenly, Wrath came speeding down the block cutting off Lust, "**GAH**, watch where you going you son of a #$", Lust yelled to the driver!

"Strange, that driver looked awfully familiar", She said.

"Crap, I passed them", Wrath said trying to turn around the broken down machine.

Envy however was peddling faster trying to catch up to the crazy psychopath, he turned the corner only to see Lust and the rest of the gang, "Shit, now what, if they see me without Wrath they'll kill me… again", Envy said quickly hiding behind a trashcan.

"I know I'll shape-shift into something inconspicuous and sneak past them", he said.

He suddenly turned into a small dog he saw a couple minutes ago, he walked into the street and started trotting past them.

"I am a dog, **ARF **I say", he said to them.

"Very suspicious a talking dog, its not every day you see one", Lust said clueless of the truth.

Envy luckily made it to the next block and saw the nightmare that caused all this trouble.

The car was stuck in a gutter and Wrath was frustratingly trying to free the infernal contraption.

"Wrath, you stop with these stupid shenanigans before you get yourself killed…again", Envy said turning back into his somewhat human form!

Suddenly the car came free and Wrath jumped back into the drivers seat, "I am off", he yelled!

The car quickly sputtered back to life and with a screech of the popped tires, it came speeding down the street toward our green haired friend.

"Wrath I will not move from this spot until you stop that car", Envy demanded planting his feet into the asphalt.

But the car kept coming, "Oh Shit", he murmured, but it was too late for him to react.

The slammed into him as he splattered across the windshield, "Gah", he yelped as they pivoted across the deserted street.

"Wrath, Stop the car", he said, his face spattered on the windshield.

"Envy get off the car", Wrath wined as he turned on the wipers.

The wipers activated and started slapping Envy in the face, "**Ow, Ow, **dammit Wrath, your killing my face", he said as he reached through the window for the steering wheel.

Wrath suddenly bit it, "**Ow**, that is not a chew toy, **OW**", he Envy screamed in pain.

"Envy your stupid mangled arm is blocking the windshield, I can't see", Wrath said too him.

Envy turned his face around, just to see the wall of their apartment closing in on his, "**Crapppppppppp**", Envy yelled.

There was a earth-shattering crash, then everything was silent.


	6. Final Chapter

Final Chapter: Clean up time 

"Cough, cough, w-where am I"?

"Am I dead"?

"No wait, I can't die"

Envy was in the living room, it was dark and he couldn't see anything, "I guess it just was a crazy dream, man my head hurts", he said.

He got up only to hit his head on something metal and hard, "Ow, what the, what is this", he said rubbing his head, suddenly someone spoke

"Crap the airbag didn't deploy", the person said.

It was Wrath and he was sticking out the now cracked window of… **THE BLUE JALOPY** that was sticking through the living room wall, "Holy shit, it was real", Envy said staggering to his feet.

Wrath fell out of the car onto the floor "Envy I couldn't find mommy", Wrath wined.

"Wrath Lust is going to skewer us", Envy yelled to the mommy-less homunculus.

"What makes you say that", he said?

"Wrath, there's a gapping hole in the kitchen, a blown up toilet in the bathroom, and finally a blue jalopy in the living room, Lust and the gang are going to be back in 15 minuets, WE ARE GOING TO BE KILLED, if were lucky"!

"Envy I know we've had our differences, but I think its time we work together to clean up the house and… I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused", Wrath said to the steamed artificial human.

"Your darn right I going t- wait…what did you say", Envy questioned?

"We've had a crazy day, and now I realize now that I'm not the only one suffering, I've done a lot to make you mad today and…I really sorry, this must be worse than fighting the Fullmetal Alchemist", Wrath sadly said to Envy.

"Wrath…I guess your right, I've been a real ass today, actually, many days so, how bout a little truce", Envy said

"Truce", he repeated holding his hand out?

"…Truce", Wrath said with a smile as he grabbed Envy hand.

**15 work filled Min. later **

Wrath and Envy were both on the ground, panting with exhaustion, "we did it Envy, we cleaned everything", Wrath said tiredly.

"Yah", Envy replied to the behaved brat.

The door opened and Lust and everyone came in, she looked around to see the apartment was spotless, "Wow the apartment looks great you two, good job Envy for taking care of Wrath", She said the flabbergasted duet.

"Good job…Wrath", Envy said

"You too…Envy", Wrath replied

"Now for tomorrow, Sloth has a dentist appointment, so Envy you have to stay with Wrath again", Lust interrupted.

"Noooo…not the dentist, noooo", Sloth screamed as she ran behind the couch.

Wrath suddenly turned to Envy again and grinned at him.

"Oh shit", Envy said quietly.

**THE END?**


End file.
